Hit Man (Keller #1) - DNF 1 of 5 stars ⭐ Life is too damn short to read drek like this…

Life is too damn short to read drek like this…

Hit Man (Keller #1) - DNF 1 of 5 stars ⭐ 

By Lawrence Block

I did not finish this book, so this review is of the first three chapters only. Life is too damn short to read drek like this, but I digress.

At first, I thought this was a rip-off of that '90's movie, The Professional. It was about a slow, but good natured hitman. I had some of the same problems with that movie, as I did with this book. But, it created outs for itself that this book did not (at least not in the first three chapters).

The book opens with Keller, the hitman, going to Portland to kill somebody. He is coming to kill a federal witness in The Witness Protection Program. That's an unlikely scenario, but I'll go with it. The man he's here to kill is using the name Ed, and runs a copy shop. If you're a hitman, and trying not to spook your hit, do you make up an awkward story about a lost dog? Do you engage in clumsy conversation with your target, and put a fake phone number on the flier you're having him print? Keller does all these stupid things, and more.

Ed immediately knows Keller is a hitman, who's come here to kill him. But what does Ed do? Does he call his case agent, and ask to be relocated? Does he grab his keys, and run? No! Instead, he sticks around and has long, searching conversations with Keller. He goes out to dinner with him, and of course he goes on isolated drives with him, because what could possibly go wrong?

This is patently unbelievable, but it's better than what Keller is doing the rest of the time. He drives around, fantasizing about buying houses, and creates back stories for waitresses. UGH! Are we suppose to discern from this that Keller is the hitman with the heart of gold? That he's misunderstood? Give me a break! He's a hitman! Hitmen are sociopaths, they've found a career where they can put this personality trait to use. They don't drive around wishing for picket fences.

Keller also does things no career criminal would do. He's in a small town, but he eats at the same restaurant everyday, all the while making weird small talk with the same waitress. He buys a gun, getting the dealer to illegally wave the waiting period, even though he has no intention of using a gun. He's seen with Ed several times, including in public. It's ludicrous.

On a side note: 

The writing is NOT up to Lawrence Block's usual standards. The sentences are choppy, the descriptions are lackluster, overall, I was bored. If you gave this book to me with no cover, I'd never guess it was Block's writing (was this written by a bad ghost writer?).

Summation: This book should be ashamed of itself. I would rather read an 1980's Harlequin Romance, than read anymore of this.